Once in a while, that same feeling strikes me. It's less often these days than it was in the past, but it does happen. And it did happen last monday. What feeling? The feeling of being useless, pointless, that the world would be better without me.
From outside it sure looks like that I have no valid reason to feel this, but from the inside of my own brain, it does feel like that. After all, if I was to disappear tomorrow, what would happen? People at work would notice, but they would cope. People around me would notice after a few days, but then again, I'm quite sure they would cope as well.
People just adapt to the fact that a person has left. That's the way I feel it. Basically, when this feeling strikes, I don't see a point to my own existence. I'm too much of a coward to actually take my life away, but I sure do think about it...
But maybe there's not point to my life, and that's all there is to it. Quite depressing to me, but maybe I'll have to accept that.
Right now, this feeling is gradually going away, but I know it will come back. The older I get, the less often it comes back, but it will be back. That's a strange thing and I can't explain it.
And to those who wonder why I wrote in English, well, that's the easiest way for me to express this right now.